What if self-belief isn’t just about confidence, but about knowing who you are at the core?

Not long ago, someone I trusted said something that really shook me. They questioned why people would want to spend time with me. It wasn’t said to hurt – but it landed deeply. For a moment, I felt exposed. Unworthy. Uncertain.

I could have stayed stuck in that discomfort. But instead, I turned inward and reached for something more solid than approval: my values – fearlessness, authenticity, kindness, wisdom, empowerment and self-belief.

I asked myself:

• Am I showing up with kindness?
• Am I learning and sharing with wisdom?
• Am I lifting others up?

 

When I answered yes, I realised that my self-belief doesn’t need to come from what others think of me – it grows from staying true to what I know matters most. It also grows from the way I speak to myself!

That moment reminded me of a powerful truth:

~ Self-belief is stronger and more sustainable when it’s rooted in values, not validation.

Before we can truly build self-confidence, we need to believe in our own worth – and act in alignment with it.

The Three layers of Self-Trust

• Self-belief is the deepest layer. It’s not dependent on praise or performance. It’s the unshakable trust in yourself ~ knowing what you stand for and staying aligned with it, especially when it’s questioned. Values are both your anchor and compass here.
• Self-esteem reflects how you feel about yourself overall. It answers questions like ‘Do I like myself’? and ‘Do I accept myself’? Rooted in early experiences, it shows up in every area of life. Values help you keep self-esteem stable – they give you a standard that’s internal, not external.
• Self-confidence is more situational – your belief in your ability to do specific things. You might be confident in presentations, but uncertain in networking. Confidence grows with experience – and your values help you decide where and how to show up.

 

Self-confidence helps you speak up in the meeting. Self-esteem tells you that you deserve to be heard. But self-belief? That’s the quiet, unwavering knowing that you have something meaningful to contribute – even when no one claps.

 

Although that question shook me – it also grounded me. Because it’s often the uncomfortable moments that remind us to realign with our values, and rebuild our self-belief from the inside out. It also reminded me to continue to show up with kindness and authenticity, in the hardest of times ~ because that’s who I am!

Brené Brown talks about ‘Courage comes before Confidence’. When I look at this through the lens of self-belief, I’m reminded that courage means being willing to ask myself the tough questions – and to use my values as a guide in how I respond.